christopher575 (christopher575) wrote,
christopher575
christopher575

Text about a hands-free car kit in today's Woot-Off

HANG UP

And Drive

Hey, so you’ve got yourself a Southwing Hands-Free Bluetooth Car Kit. That’s great. Now you can keep both hands on the wheel, instead of fumbling with your phone as you sail down the highway paying no heed to those of us around you.

It does voice dialing, too, so you don’t have to let go of the steering wheel during that process. Although knowing you, you’ll probably decide this leaves your hands free to do your mascara or something. It’s really terrifying sharing the road with you, you know that, right?

What am I saying? Of course you don’t know that. You’re barely aware other motorists even exist. It’d be far too much to expect you to imagine we have anxieties about your unpredictable swerving. Or that we actually ascribe meaning to turn signals and even use them to communicate. That would blow your mind. Our cars are vehicles we drive, see. Yours is more like a wheeled smoking lounge where you hang out with friends and listen to music while hurtling around at dangerously high speeds.

Here’s a crazy idea: After you get used to driving with your hands on the wheel instead of your phone, maybe you could try it with your mind on the road instead of whatever stupid, inconsequential “conversation” you decided to have with your girlfriend at work not because you had information to exchange with her, but because a ten-minute drive is too much for your chihuahua-like attention span. I’M GOING 80 MILES AN HOUR! THIS IS BORING, I’M GONNA CALL JEN!

It’s just a suggestion. Mull it over.

Hey, oops! It’s, uh, sort of conventional to pass on the left, sweetheart.
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