But then I realized, hey, we're in a restaurant! They have those things! So I asked the bartender if it was possible to get lettuce, tomatoes, and onion to go, and she was more than happy to do that for us.
So later on, I made burgers two ways. One had mayo, sri racha, and provolone, and the other had mustard, pickles, and extra sharp cheddar. If you're making two burgers and cutting them in half anyway, it's just silly not to make two kinds to enjoy.